5 Things I am Changing as I Grow Older and Wiser

At 36 years of age I am considered to be relatively young…at least by all those belonging to higher age groups than mine. Being in your mid-thirties is a curious thing. It’s like being in a passage way, a midway stage that does not belong anywhere in particular.

You haven’t yet reached that maturation peak in your life and yet you are irreversibly not young anymore, only perhaps youngish depending on perspective. In any case I feel I have somehow switched lanes from one ‘life-stream’ to another.

Let’s be clear, we feel change throughout life all the time as we go through different stages of development and experiences. Yet there are milestones in life in which the change is more meaningful and in a way you are more mindful and conscious of that change.

I used to think that maturity is very relative in the sense that some people can be more mature than others even though they are younger, hence pointing at the fact that age is only a correlated but not necessary cause for maturity. life experiences and character dispositions are the real factors.

I have come to suspect that this is not entirely true. In a way I started believing that even though maturity is more or less relative, there are certain points in life in which your consciousness changes and this happens by time. Hence time is still an important factor.What I am trying to say is that maturity and change in consciousness are influenced mostly by experiential time but also influenced by our biological time. The former is relative the second is more or less standard with little variations.

I feel going through a point in life where I am more conscious of meaningful changes in life. This is driven by my experiential time but determined by my biological time. looking back I have come to identify 5 major changes that characterize my maturity.
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Can I Trust my Instincts?

This is a question that I often hear when people are in doubt, confused or lacking enough confidence in external information to arrive at a sound judgment.

I am however not at all pleased to use the term ‘instincts’ in the title, or anywhere else for that matter. The word ‘instinct’ generally means having a preset behavioral pattern which is genetically encoded and inherited. In other words it is a behavioral template that organisms follow unconsciously and automatically. It very much alludes to a general lack of free-will and creativity.

I believe that the real ‘instincts’ that guide us through indecisive or difficult moments in life run in opposite direction to unconscious and automatically responsive behavior.

In fact it involves our ability to momentarily ‘awake’ from those unconscious cycles of behavior and see through the veil of socially and individually constructed realities. It is a temporary transcendence beyond the compulsive patterns of thought and emotional habits that are ultimately not authentic but socially induced.

Trusting your ‘instincts’, or as I prefer calling it ‘listening to your heart’,is like connecting to a ‘web of consciousness’ in which energy and ideas flow naturally and freely. I have written something about this in the past here.
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7 Ways to be Kind to Yourself

Kindness is synonymous with giving and being open and emphatic to others around us. This is of course true. Yet being kind does not stop at being kind to others but we should consider more often the possibility, or rather the necessity, of being also kind to ourselves. This may sound a little bit selfish, but actually it is important to learn and practice kindness on oneself before exhibiting kindness to others. It provides a healthier foundation.

In the following points I have summed up what I believe to be important ways to be kind to ourselves. They are also necessary paths to happiness, mental health and overall well being. Here they go:

1.Give yourself space to grow, learn, imagine and create:

This is the free domain and the highest potential of the human mind. You might be living in environments where play, creativity and thinking big is shunned or frowned upon. Your 9 to 5 cubicle job may be sucking your dreams dry and snuffing out your spark and enthusiasm for life but your outer conditions are no excuse really. So do yourself a favour and stop humming that tune. No one is stopping you from expanding your mental horizons but yourself. Think about it. Think hard. Let your mind roam free. Read, watch, dream, be inspired, loosen and broaden your perception and awareness.

2.Get to terms with your internal critic:

We all have it. Yes you definitely have one too. It’s that voice in your head that is always prompt to be judgmental towards your own behaviour, often calling you names and criticizing every action you take. “You made a fool of yourself!”, or “you’re too fat and old” or perhaps “that’s really a stupid ides”. The internal critic grows with us and becomes part of our mental makeup since we are young. It also has a positive role – that of keeping us balanced and in check with ourselves so as to prevent us from doing something crazy or dangerous. But most of the time it is a downer which makes us lose confidence, motivation and perspective. Be aware of it when it pops up and as you recognize it, thank it but dismiss it gently. Think about the same situation in more positive ways.

3.Let go of your guilt:

Guilt can be a strong emotion which ties us to our past. We might feel guilty of something we did or something we have not done but wished we could. In essence guilt is often a misperception of the truth, an emotional attachment which enslaves our heart. Although it can feel difficult to overcome guilt it’s not impossible neither improbable. You just have to remember that mistakes are part of our lives. It’s part of the contract, almost a necessity. The choice is between getting stuck in mistakes that we are all bound to do or whether we learn from them, untie ourselves from them and move on.

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Shifting Sands: Dealing with Impermanence

A Philosopher of ancient Greece before the time of Socrates, named Heraclitus, used to profess that everything in the Universe is in constant flux and that nothing remains the same. “You cannot step in the same river twice” Heraclitus used to say. This is because all the observable world and even the imperceptible one is changing all the time even if it may appear stationary or permanent from our limited subjective observation.

This is true in so many levels and has been echoed in many philosophies and folk wisdom across cultures and centuries all the way down to modern science. The physical world is in constant movement. Matter and energy is exchanged from one place to the other. Even our own bodies never remain the same. As we grow  each and every atom in our body is changed many times and replaced by new ones. In a way you can say that the body you have now is completely different than  the one you had 5 years ago although it looks more or less the same.

Everything Must Go

Nothing stays the same. This is something that we all observe as time passes by, sometimes to our dismay or anxiety because we cannot come to grips with  change, loss or drastically new things.

We all get through that moment in life when we ponder and reflect back on our past and realize that so many things have irreversibly changed or come to an  end. Of course, aging is one of the most obvious signs although not every one is affected by aging in the same way.

It doesn’t mean that we always get nostalgic or panicky when we look back at our past. We get a lot of nice memories of wonderful moments we passed with loved  ones or friends in lovely places or in special episodes of our lives. But there are other times where we get attached to our past or those happier moments in  life and so we end up getting all emotional especially when the present gets a bit tough or the future is more uncertain than usual. As a line from one of  U2’s old song goes “We glorify the past when the future dries up“. (more…)

Why Passion is such a Bad Thing

I have been annoyed for some time now about the frequent misuse of the term ‘Passion’ in the personal development arena. I must admit beforehand that I was also guilty of the same mistake in one or two of my past articles.

The thing is that passion is most frequently used to mean a positive quality that is essential for personal development, Happiness, goal setting and finding one’s true purpose.

Even the laymen use of the word falls into this misconception. People talk about passion almost with reverence. “He is very passionate about his team” or “He loved her passionately“. It seems as though passion is a very respected quality of a person or of a culture.

I know something about this being born in a southern Mediterranean culture.Southern European people will openly boast about being passionate, hot-headed and warm-blooded people. In Sicily, for example, there were many cases, in the not so distant past, of murders in which people were acquitted or their sentence heavily reduced because their crime was not just any crime but  ‘a crime of passion’. That means that a man (it’s almost always a man who is absolved with a crime of passion) gets away with killing his wife because he caught her having sex with another man and in a moment of blind fury he followed his irrational but ‘justified’ rage. (more…)

Heart Driven Success

Photo by timtom.ch

There are many factors that play a determining role in success. The most commonly identified are qualities such as passion, determination, perseverance, good planning, intuition and creativity amongst a few others.

It is to be said, however, that not all success comes from the heart or leads to happiness.

There is success which comes from taking smart decisions, hard work and perseverance together with a pinch of good luck. But this type of success does not necessarily lead to a happy fulfilled life. It might be the type of success that comes from striking the right six figure business deal or from having your name become big in your area of expertise.

This is obviously a great thing but does not necessarily entail what you really want deep inside.

Authenticity and inner purpose

Heart driven success is the ultimate form of success because it goes beyond limited beliefs about cause and effect, desire for money, fear and expectations and most of all, it is guided from the heart.

When you have stripped off the socially induced values of what is good, bad and ugly and listen more to what your heart is saying, you thrive towards your inner purpose. You would have found your authentic self. (more…)

The little sacred rules of inner peace

Photo by jsbanks42

No matter how different people’s goals, inclinations and social conditions might be, there is always one thing that is common to all humans – the desire for inner peace.

Some might not be consciously aware of this all the time or their life experiences have completely closed their heart to this possibility. Others might think that their highest goals are nothing like inner peace but more like material success and gratification.

Still, whether we admit it or not, we all seek happiness and inner peace. Nobody will ever feel complete with loads of material rewards but a spiritual void. So many life stories are a witness to this.

The rules

If you are listening to your heart’s calling for inner peace and happiness, there are a few rules you can embrace and follow in your life. These rules helped many people over many centuries acquire inner peace, reconciliation with their heart’s desires and happiness.

Here they go: (more…)

Latest log in my travel journal

Photo by China Guccio

I have been in China this week. This is definitely not my first time there. Every time I’ve been in China I always took something back with me – as an experience that is, or as a lesson.

In previous experiences I was impressed by perceptions such as human adaptability and ingenuity in highly competitive and dynamic environments, by greed and power, fragility and the dwarfing of the individual relative to the enormity of the place and the size of its population.

This time it has been a different insight altogether which is not so much tied to the place but to a more general perspective of things. I want to share them here with you because I am sure that most of them will resonate with some of your own experiences (which perhaps you might also want to share ).

If things go out of plan, relax, reinvent and celebrate change

Quite a few things went out of plan in my last trip.  A long delay which made me lose my connection and a day out of my schedule was the main theme. Other unforeseen deviations and little bumps and hiccups were not uncommon either.

But all in all my attitude remained a positive and relaxed one. I had prepared myself mentally for this. I had told myself that a lot of unpredictable variables can get along the way but that’s OK. It’s part of what traveling is about. And it was.

It’s nice to observe the bitter sweetness of having your plan scrambled up due to one unforeseen circumstance. But then after you accept it and reinvent yourself, it all takes shape perfectly and you realize that one blunder brought you along a more interesting course that you would have missed if your plan went unaltered.

It is in those moments when you open yourself  to change and see an underlying force at work. You don’t deny it. You celebrate it. (more…)

How to find and recognize your inner voice

Photo by Temari 09

Have you ever been in a difficult moment where you needed to take an important and quick decision but didn’t have the answer there and then?  And did it ever happen to you that in such a situation you suddenly ‘hear’ an answer in your head out of nowhere that leads you out of your predicament? That’s your inner voice.

The inner voice is that subtle message that you sometimes pick up but feel is coming from somewhere different than your thoughts or the usual internal commentary in your head. It has a different tone and a different purpose.

Your inner voice can be your guide, your ally and your friend in need that speaks up in those moments when you really need an answer. Sometimes we have to take an action or a decision but the information we have is limited. Your inner voice serves as a priceless feedback.

Your inner voice helps you take wiser decisions and it keeps you in perspective by guiding you in the right direction and giving you information in the form of hints which you would otherwise have missed or overlooked.

How to find you inner voice:

A common question that I’ve been asked when the subject of inner voice comes out is “So how can I find my inner voice?”

To be exact, we don’t find our inner voice but our inner voice finds us. What we can do to facilitate this is to open up and tune our ‘internal antenna’. I’ve noticed that although some people like myself have always found it very natural to be inward looking and sensitive to subtle things, most people are more externally driven, so listening to their inner voice could be a possibility that they never opened themselves to.

If you are such a person you need to start forming some habits that help you redirect your awareness inwardly – to your feelings, ideas, energies, motivation, etc.  Here are a few things to do: (more…)