How to Talk Your Way Around Big Egos
We all know at least a person or two with oversized egos. As you might know, it can be very hard to make people with heavy egos understand or appreciate an alternate point of view for the simple fact that their ego stands in the way between your message and its acceptance. This can very often be a problem when that person is your boss, colleaugue, family or friend. Often the ego is very confrontational, a poor listener and unreceptive to other people’s ideas. Its pride will never make it tolerate defeat and it tends to see threat and confrontation even in friendly and familiar debates or discussion.
This is the nature of the ego. I know a thing about this having once been the owner of a sizeable ego myself and which I have now kept on downgrading until it finally reaches way below problematic levels.
The thing about egos is that they almost have a life of their own. Funny, weird but its a truthful explanation. This is one insight I owe to Eckhart Tolle after having read ‘A New Earth‘. People think of the ego as a trait or state in someone’s personality. I think of an ego as a living entity living inside a person who is often unconscious of its autonomous existence. It’s kind of a little alien parasite living in one’s head.
Let me draw the profile of a typical ego to give you a better idea of what I mean:
1. It is driven by its self-preservation and by the want to be better and superior to others. Hence it will attack anything it sees as a possible threat to its continuation (such as personal change, transformation, openess to ideas, spiritual seeking, etc) And it will react if it sees anyone having something it lacks.
2. It feeds upon attention and attachment. Hence it always seeks attention and is a master in attention seeking behaviour. This can show up in a million forms from flashy possession to drama-laden behaviour. It also attaches itself to ideas and systems of thought and totally abhors change and alternative viewpoints.
3. It can be spotted in: Self-centred behaviour, attention-seeking behaviour, the need to be right, showy behaviour, the need to be praised, gossiping, etc.
4. Although big egos are commonly associated with men, women are as much vulnerable to egoic symptoms although manifested in different forms. (more…)
How to Survive the ‘Negativity Pandemic’
Lately we have heard so much about the global economic crisis, recessions, job cuts, natural disasters, increasing environmental problems and so on. Continuous talk about these things can easily influence the collective psyche in a negative way.
Even before recent events, we have always been bombarded with news, images and video clips of tragedies, wars,disasters, violence, crime,etc from a very young age. We are not even consciously aware of the extent to which we are exposed to such negative media. We might think that we have grown ‘immune’ to it or that we have become numb or insensitive to such media.
To a certain extent, this is true but there is a residual effect that acts on our subconscious minds and which can influence us negatively by injecting fear, paranoia, hysteria and anxiety. This has the direct implication of affecting our reasoning and decisions even in everyday life.
More than that it is the ‘collective effect’ which we seem to be more vulnerable to. This means that it is not only our own personal exposure to these stories which affect us most (although they do in certain ways) but it is the way that the general morale of the people around us (even those we do not interact with directly)can leave a sort of after effect on our own mood and attitude.
Since no man is an island, we are all subject to this collective effect. The social environment we live in is a highly connected network of individuals. When a network is highly connected, causes and effects spread out throughout the network very fast and effectively. There is a lot of interdependency.
It should therefore come to no surprise that other people’s moods affect us in many ways. Now although these moods can be both positive and negative, it is the negative thoughts and attitudes that are of a concern. I call it the negativity pandemic. (more…)
The Strength of Non-Resistance
Ancient Eastern Philosophy has taught a lot about the concept of non-resistance. This view has been deeply rooted as a cultural way of life as can be most popularly seen in the martial arts for example.
Most internal martial arts such as Tai Chi, for instance, are built on this principle of non-resistance and ‘action without action’ (Wei Wu Wei) or effortless doing. The idea behind this principle of effortless action is that when you don’t resist or work against the energies around you but actually work or flow with them, you become aligned and in equilibrium in such a way as to obtain a ‘soft and invisible power’.
The adept martial artist knows how to use the power and momentum of his opponent to overcome him with out exerting any force or power.
Non-resistance is like the nature of water. The strength of water lies in its ability to flow around obstacles and in its suppleness. Its force is soft yet powerful.
On the other hand, resistance is friction, an act of opposing, blocking or impeding something. It generally implies working against natural forces as opposed to working with them. (more…)
Why Resolutions Fail
This is a Guest Post by Joseph Philips of Lifelong Project
Did you know that most people ditch their resolutions before January is over and many more give up on their resolutions before springtime? That’s a result based on a survey from FranklinCovey.
And when we fail from a resolution we feel lousy, depressed, and deflated. And then December rolls around and it’s the same resolutions all over again: improve finances, lose weight, start a healthy habit. Before long, the resolutions fade and the process repeats.
I know. I’ve been there over and over and over. And then I learned something amazing: Life will repeat lessons until you learn them. Once more: life will repeat lessons until you learn them.
If you’re on the treadmill of resolutions year after year you need to learn a lesson: Change your approach. (more…)
Overcoming Fear and Breaking Free from its Tyranny
Fear is a cruel tyrant and we all know it. It debilitates us and immobilizes us, by restricting our possible responses to life and thus severely limiting it.
It effectively sabotages us from succeeding in reaching a goal or achieving happiness and peace of mind.
Fear can make us reject an opportunity to make a public speech, hold us from applying for that perfect job, keep us back from making that fantastic trip or keep us awake at night worrying what might happen to our loved ones when they are out of our sight. The examples are endless and I don’t need to illustrate further – I’m sure you get the gist of it.
Some people live in constant fear; some others face fear from time to time when it creeps out from some hidden corner and surfaces to haunt their days and nights.
The fact is that fear is a form of feedback about potential or real danger in our environment. Physically it is associated with a part of our brain called the ‘amygdala’ situated at the tip of the temporal lobe.
It is the part of our brain responsible for the flight, fight or freeze response to dangerous situations. No doubt, such instinctive responses were greatly helpful to the survival of our ancestors in the past. Yet as societies grew increasingly more complex and human lifestyles changed radically, this primordial survival instinct started sometimes coming at odds with everyday life situations that do not require such drastic responses.
The effect of that was an embedded sense of fear that manifests itself in many forms such as anxiety, worry, lack of sleep, nervousness and uneasiness, etc. (more…)
Proactive resolutions for 2010
Photo by pfala
In a recent article I published on Lifescape artists I suggested that there is a psychological loophole in the way we look and talk about New Year resolutions.
For starters, the word “Year” in New Year, subconsciously (and wrongfully) suggests a timeframe we are bound with. Hence, we covertly hint to ourselves that whatever we aim to achieve is only bound by a year and not a lifetime.
The linguistics of it can provide the weakly resolute mind a stage trick – a back door out. Personally, I think that talking about ‘New life resolution’ rather than ‘New Year’s resolution’ might avoid this problem…but breaks from tradition and common forms of speech (can’t have everything can’t you?).
Secondly, the type of resolutions we often make are more about sorting out lifestyle habits that swayed out of line –smoking, drinking, excessive eating and accumulating clutter – rather than life changing ones.
They are reactive rather than proactive.
I would like to drop a few suggestions about some proactive ‘New Life resolutions’ you might take for 2010….and hopefully, all the years to follow.
Lifescape artists is Online!!!
I’m glad to announce the birth of a new blog – Lifescape artists!!
The blog was launched yesterday by myself and friend and co-founder Srinivas Rao of The Skool of life.
We started working on the idea a few weeks ago when Srini approached me with the proposal of starting up a multi-authored blog. The idea struck me immediately and I gladly accepted to take up the project and be counted in.
From there we started throwing in all sorts of ideas, visions and goals we wanted to achieve for the blog. We quickly got on working on it with great enthusiasm and managed to pull it together in record time.
Soon after a couple of other bloggers joined in the team: Brett of Dare to Express, the youngest member of the team but with ideas and skills that wildly betray his age, and Mia of Miataylor.com, a highly talented undergrad studying travel journalism with a flair for writing, photography, traveling and lifestyle.
The objective behind lifescape artists is to deliver empowering messages, ideas and tips throughout its varied content, in a refreshing style and character so as to motivate people leap forward from where they are now to where they want to be.
Lifescapeartists will synergistically bring together each blogger’s experience in personal development and other areas such as productivity and Lifestyle.
Even a few days before launching, the team members’ excitement was buzzing high. We knew we were onto something bigger than our individual powers.
We feel that this positive energy behind such a highly motivated teamwork will emerge into fast-growing, top-class project.
I would also like to reach out for fellow bloggers within the niche and invite them to participate. It’s a great opportunity to ride the wave and join the synergy with loads of fun along the way. It’s also a great avenue to promote one’s name and work.
So if you think you have the right inclination and a meaningful message to spread, come on and join in. Participation is open to different levels of contribution ranging from one-off guest posts to becoming regular writers.
Make sure to visit the blog and check out the ‘contribute’ page. Feel free to contact me through this blog or through Lifescapeartists and ask me questions.
Heart Driven Success
Photo by timtom.ch
There are many factors that play a determining role in success. The most commonly identified are qualities such as passion, determination, perseverance, good planning, intuition and creativity amongst a few others.
It is to be said, however, that not all success comes from the heart or leads to happiness.
There is success which comes from taking smart decisions, hard work and perseverance together with a pinch of good luck. But this type of success does not necessarily lead to a happy fulfilled life. It might be the type of success that comes from striking the right six figure business deal or from having your name become big in your area of expertise.
This is obviously a great thing but does not necessarily entail what you really want deep inside.
Authenticity and inner purpose
Heart driven success is the ultimate form of success because it goes beyond limited beliefs about cause and effect, desire for money, fear and expectations and most of all, it is guided from the heart.
When you have stripped off the socially induced values of what is good, bad and ugly and listen more to what your heart is saying, you thrive towards your inner purpose. You would have found your authentic self. (more…)
The little sacred rules of inner peace
Photo by jsbanks42
No matter how different people’s goals, inclinations and social conditions might be, there is always one thing that is common to all humans – the desire for inner peace.
Some might not be consciously aware of this all the time or their life experiences have completely closed their heart to this possibility. Others might think that their highest goals are nothing like inner peace but more like material success and gratification.
Still, whether we admit it or not, we all seek happiness and inner peace. Nobody will ever feel complete with loads of material rewards but a spiritual void. So many life stories are a witness to this.
The rules
If you are listening to your heart’s calling for inner peace and happiness, there are a few rules you can embrace and follow in your life. These rules helped many people over many centuries acquire inner peace, reconciliation with their heart’s desires and happiness.
Here they go: (more…)
