Soul Hiker » Happiness

Overcoming Fear and Breaking Free from its Tyranny

Gilbert Ross — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 20:13:04 +0000

Fear is a cruel tyrant and we all know it. It debilitates us and immobilizes us, by restricting our possible responses to life and thus severely limiting it.

It effectively sabotages us from succeeding in reaching a goal or achieving happiness and peace of mind.

Fear can make us reject an opportunity to make a public speech, hold us from applying for that perfect job, keep us back from making that fantastic trip or keep us awake at night worrying what might happen to our loved ones when they are out of our sight. The examples are endless and I don’t need to illustrate further – I’m sure you get the gist of it.

Some people live in constant fear; some others face fear from time to time when it creeps out from some hidden corner and surfaces to haunt their days and nights.

The fact is that fear is a form of feedback about potential or real danger in our environment. Physically it is associated with a part of our brain called the ‘amygdala’ situated at the tip of the temporal lobe.

It is the part of our brain responsible for the flight, fight or freeze response to dangerous situations. No doubt, such instinctive responses were greatly helpful to the survival of our ancestors in the past. Yet as societies grew increasingly more complex and human lifestyles changed radically, this primordial survival instinct started sometimes coming at odds with everyday life situations that do not require such drastic responses.

The effect of that was an embedded sense of fear that manifests itself in many forms such as anxiety, worry, lack of sleep, nervousness and uneasiness, etc.

There are several types of fears we all face in modern life scenarios:

There is fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of loneliness, fear of mediocrity, fear of change and the unknown, fear of getting old, fear of something bad happening, fear of embarrassment, etc. The list is very long.

How do we overcome these fears if at all possible? How can we control them or stir them away? How can we turn fear into love and happiness?

1. Awareness: The biggest and most effective step to overcome fear is being aware of it. First, you have to identify it, recognize it in any situation, name it and spot it out from other emotions. If you can’t identify it, it will pass by unnoticed and play its game without rules. Secondly be aware of subtle inner feelings that give rise to, or accompany, fear. These could be bodily feelings in the chest, throat or abdomen. They can also be non-bodily feelings such as feeling stuck or imprisoned and limiting and self-defeating thoughts.

2. Calm down: The second step that comes after being aware that you are in a state of fear is calming yourself down. Ideally it is someone else that should calm us down since the other person would normally be in a less subjective and emotional state. In the absence of another person we have to remind ourselves to calm down. This is crucial. By being aware that you are in an irrational state of fear, you can observe yourself. The observer in you is important for it helps you observe things more objectively, without judgment, from an almost ‘third-person’ point of view. If we lose that self-awareness, we practically lose everything including our sanity.

3. Burst the irrational bubble – ask analytical and rational questions: The third step to get out of the subjective and irrational state of fear is by asking ourselves rational questions. This is like someone snapping the finger in our face, trying to wake us up from a state of trance. “How real is this fear?”, “How can it help me?”, “Is it justified or is it blown out of proportion?”

4. Meditate regularly: The reason why me and other people writing about personal development, make very frequent reference to meditation (and awareness and mindfulness) is because it is such a fundamental key to mental health, balance and overall well being. It is never enough to stress its importance. Meditating regularly helps us keep in balance, in perspective and in a calm state of mind, hence in the best possible gear to overcome, or better, prevent fear.

5. Stop feeding fear with your energy – break the habit cycle: Fear does not survive on its own – it needs you – specifically it needs your negative energy to grow. By implementing the previous four steps, you are breaking the cycle that forms chronic fear and anxiety. Being aware, calming down, being analytical and meditating regularly together help you form the opposite habit – that of living fearlessly.

Click here to transform fear into love

Heart Driven Success

Gilbert Ross — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 20:57:58 +0000

Photo by timtom.ch

There are many factors that play a determining role in success. The most commonly identified are qualities such as passion, determination, perseverance, good planning, intuition and creativity amongst a few others.

It is to be said, however, that not all success comes from the heart or leads to happiness.

There is success which comes from taking smart decisions, hard work and perseverance together with a pinch of good luck. But this type of success does not necessarily lead to a happy fulfilled life. It might be the type of success that comes from striking the right six figure business deal or from having your name become big in your area of expertise.

This is obviously a great thing but does not necessarily entail what you really want deep inside.

Authenticity and inner purpose

Heart driven success is the ultimate form of success because it goes beyond limited beliefs about cause and effect, desire for money, fear and expectations and most of all, it is guided from the heart.

When you have stripped off the socially induced values of what is good, bad and ugly and listen more to what your heart is saying, you thrive towards your inner purpose. You would have found your authentic self.

Heart driven success comes from having your heart open to your life’s purpose without fear and limitations. It comes from the power of being conscious of your passion that drives you with enthusiasm and joy.

If you are in doubt, ask yourself: what drives you? What motivates you? What makes you work hard without getting tired and unsatisfied? If you had a guarantee of success in whatever venture you take, what would you do?

Aligning with your purpose in life

Heart driven success is powerful. There is a certain energy that flows through people when they are doing what they are passionate about. This comes from the fact that the person is aligned and in perfect sync with his purpose. When this happens, the energies of life flow through him freely without obstruction.

It’s like an unblocked pipe connected straight to the source. There are even some highly motivated and self-empowered people that would describe this energy as literally too powerful too handle at times. It feels as if it is filling every cell in their body and keeps them revved up as they produce work well beyond average quality and quantity.

Success beyond the self

Heart driven success means also, above other things, not to be limited and enslaved by narrow self-interest. It is not shallow. It’s free, unbounded, selfless and embraces broader interests than self-satisfying ones.

This is why some illustrious self-empowered people have given the world their creations and inventions for free.

They are already blessed by the greatness of following their life purpose with heart-driven success, so much so that monetary compensation falls way below that level of satisfaction.

A perfect example is the following TED talk from inventor Pranav Mistry, who decided to give out his ingenious and mind blowing work on ‘sixth sense technology’ as open source knowledge. Utterly fantastic

The little sacred rules of inner peace

Gilbert Ross — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 19:50:09 +0000

Photo by jsbanks42

No matter how different people’s goals, inclinations and social conditions might be, there is always one thing that is common to all humans – the desire for inner peace.

Some might not be consciously aware of this all the time or their life experiences have completely closed their heart to this possibility. Others might think that their highest goals are nothing like inner peace but more like material success and gratification.

Still, whether we admit it or not, we all seek happiness and inner peace. Nobody will ever feel complete with loads of material rewards but a spiritual void. So many life stories are a witness to this.

The rules

If you are listening to your heart’s calling for inner peace and happiness, there are a few rules you can embrace and follow in your life. These rules helped many people over many centuries acquire inner peace, reconciliation with their heart’s desires and happiness.

Here they go:

Listen to your heart: Sometimes our mind enters into conflict with our hearts. I have been there endless times. You think that something is the right and sensible thing to do but your heart would be beating to a different drum. This can build anxiety and a general dissatisfaction you can’t really put a finger on. Give space to your inner voice, your intuitions and your feelings. Learn to turn your awareness inwards and recognize your inner motivations.

Don’t take things personally: Taking things personally means interpreting life from an ego-centered point of view. It’s about I, me and mine. This leads to a very blinkered vision of life in which the ego reacts badly to every petty thing such as criticism, strange looks, misplaced words, etc. What happens is that we end up too subjective and emotionally disturbed for things which when we see from a more detached point of view seem futile and unworthy.

Forgive: A heart can never be at peace with grudges and anger. Whatever wrong people might have done to you, when you carry the grudge in your heart you are also carrying the mistake. You relive it every time. Let go of it and travel with a light heart.

Accept: This is by far the most effective path to inner peace. When you accept that which you cannot change or control, instead of struggling against it, your heart is open and at peace.

Be Grateful: When we are grateful to life and things that are happening around us, we are filling our heart and our surroundings with love, joy and appreciation – the highest form of positive energy. This positive aura certainly promotes happiness and inner peace.

Give back before you get: Why do you have to get something in order to give back in return? It works just as well the other way round. Giving is a powerful exercise of heart.

Smile to yourself and to others: You might not always mean it but be kind and gentle in your approach reinforces healthy and meaningful relationships with others and with yourself.

Don’t do things you don’t have to or don’t like: When we are always seeking the approval and admiration of others, we do things which are not genuinely our passion. Listen to your heart and search for your . mission and goals in life.

Share. Don’t think twice: Do not hesitate to share. Sharing is a gesture of peace both to others and to yourself.

Avoid negative company: If there are people around you who are disempowering or a negative influence in your life, avoid their company. They can only slow you down and create inner disharmony.

Respect the thoughts and opinions of others: If you respect the thoughts and opinions of others instead of looking to win an argument or show that you are right or more knowledgeable, you create harmony and get respect in return.

Golden rule: Don’t do to others what you don’t want upon yourself. A natural prerequisite for inner and outer peace.

See the ‘you’ in others: By default we think that we are separate from the rest so we see things from a self-centered point of view. This creates all forms of conflict known to man. Start seeing yourself in others. Think about others as different versions of yourself! This helps you intimate with the concept that we are all interconnected.

Learn to use your mental filters to your advantage: Rerun the day in your head, pick up and accentuate the positive things in it and exclude the negative ones.

Step out of the moment and see the bigger picture: When you are emotionally blocked or stressed out, pause and shake yourself out of the subjectivity of the moment. There is always a bigger picture. If you can’t see it, then recognize it at least.

Hold love as your guide and higher purpose: Open your heart to love. Be on the lookout for it. See it in the everyday things. Welcome it, nourish it and nurture it like a fragile precious thing. Love is the highest power. Make way for it and it will expand your life beyond measure.

Developing Awareness – Part 1

Gilbert Ross — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:53:42 +0000

photo by h.koppdelaney

Awareness is fundamental to all human activity. It is the basis of all our mental states and processes, creativity, perception, knowledge and culture. Everything starts from awareness. It is the portal between consciousness and the world around us.

Recently I have become more and more intrigued by the idea. The more I learn about it, the more I realize how it pervades everything we do and that by learning to focus it, expand it or redirect it consciously, we can transform ourselves by gigantic positive leaps. It’s the key to greater inner peace, happiness and self-mastery. In fact there is no possible way one can walk on the path of self-mastery without learning to direct his awareness.

The different faces of awareness:

At a very basic level, you are aware of everything you do. When you walk around, prepare coffee, look for your keys, drive home, read, etc, there is always awareness going on otherwise you do not operate. However, many of these tasks happen on a subconscious level rather than on a conscious one.

When you start learning to ride a bike or drive a car, you are conscious about all your steps and movements. Once you learn the task, it starts becoming more automatic and subconscious. You are no longer conscious of every thing you do while you are driving but you are still aware at some level (obviously so, otherwise the roads would be a catastrophe everyday). This type of awareness however is not very thick and focused.

There is another level where your awareness is more focused. For example, when you are interested in something, you start paying attention to it which means that you slightly focus your awareness on the object or event.

When you concentrate on something or you are totally absorbed in the task at hand (what psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi called being ‘in the flow’), your awareness is focused like a laser beam on the subject, closing off all signals from the rest of the environment that might distract you. Your awareness intensifies and deepens on the subject in the present moment. There is a strong sense of aliveness in it because your heightened awareness enriches the perception of the world around you and your relationship to it.

This type of awareness, as observed from studies carried out on seasoned meditators such as Buddhist monks, is linked with a certain coherence in brain wave patterns. In our day to day mental tasks, our mind is somehow ‘fragmented’ and our thoughts point out at different directions. Our brain wave patterns are incoherent.

The diagram above shows the 2 basic levels of awareness

Individuals who have trained their mind through practices such as meditation, have the ability to consciously redirect their awareness to higher levels of consciousness and ‘defragment’ their mind to a more coherent unity. This why meditation promotes calmness, focus, improved memory and heightened awareness, amongst a long list of benefits.

The good news is that this ‘higher-level’ awareness, so to speak, can be trained and developed.

Being aware of your awareness:

The first step to developing higher awareness is being conscious of it. You need to start training yourself to be aware of your awareness. By getting in the habit of observing how it behaves you start learning to redirect your focus from subconscious awareness to conscious and more coherent forms of awareness.

In short, this means being more conscious and pro-active of your usually passive and subconscious actions, beliefs, emotions and reactions to life. This is why awareness is directly linked to self-mastery.

I invite you to try out these short but insightful mental observations. They only take a couple of minutes. They are simple and can be carried out as many times as you like, anytime, anywhere. The more you do the more you grasp the feel and movements of your awareness (don’t do these steps in one go – try them out each at a time at your leisure).

Here we go:

1. Take time to notice what it feels like to be aware. Stop for a moment to be aware of your awareness. Don’t classify it or judge it, just notice it. How does it feel?

2. Now find any object (could be your own body or feelings) and be aware of it for more than 30 seconds without distraction. Is it any different from being aware for just a fleeting moment? Does your awareness solidify with time?

3. Are you at all aware of your internal sensations? Try to be aware of your current state of mind – is it relaxation, boredom, curiosity, impatience? What about your feelings? Your energy levels? Is your awareness more inclined towards internal or external stimuli?

4. How about your awareness of the present moment? The awareness of external and internal sensations that unfold moment by moment in the present. Can your awareness hold on to your present ongoing sensations without drifting off in thought or imagination in the past or future?

5. When you observe your environment, does your awareness shift from one object to the next hastily and erratically? Or is it more gentle and observant of each item? Try to move your awareness from one thing to the next and speed it up then slow it down. How does the difference feel?

6. Try also noticing the difference between expanding and narrowing your awareness of your environment. I find it easy to do this on my body before meditation. I focus my awareness on just my breathing first. Then after some time I expand it outwards to include the other bodily sensations such as my hand, feet, head, etc. I also expand it towards my internal feelings and states of mind then narrow it down step by step to my breathing again.

7. Another thing I do when doing mindfulness meditation is shifting my awareness across sensory modalities. From seeing to hearing to touching to tasting (not always), to smelling, and ultimately internal sensations. This and the previous exercise are the most useful steps in developing and expanding your awareness.

When you start getting closer in touch with how your awareness behaves and affects your everyday tasks, you also start to understand how to give it more space to grow. You start finding it easier to consciously direct it, focus it or expand it. This can have big positive effects that you start slowly observing in yourself day after day.

You become more focused when you do something or you start becoming more aware of things you don’t usually do. Your mind becomes more open to ideas and feelings. You become more in tune with yourself and your environment.

You also communicate better because you become more sensitive to the subtle messages in other people’s behavior.

And ultimately you also start feeling expanding as a spiritual being because your consciousness is expanding. Awareness is the food of consciousness. So the more you enrich and open up your awareness, the bigger the natural growth of your consciousness.

In part 2 I’ll be writing about the relationship between awareness and emotional balance and also about how to develop awareness through meditation.

The art of creating meaning into your life

Gilbert Ross — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 14:55:55 +0000

Photo by Faungg

I think one of the most fundamental questions we come to ask in our lives is “what is the purpose of my life?” which can be transcribed into “How meaningful is the life I am living at the moment?” This is a personalization of the more general and philosophical question “What is the meaning of life and everything?”

These questions often arise when we are going through major life transitions or y-points in our lives where crucial decisions and drastic changes have to be made. When we go through big changes our reality bends and shifts because we are breaking away from our old worldview and leaping into a new one. Big changes and moments of temporary crisis often bring with them deep questions about the meaning of life and our role and identity with the changing world around us.

It is not easy to answer such questions for the simple reasons that the answer to such questions lie exclusively within us and not outside of us. Things and situations in our lives have meaning because we attribute meaning to them. They do not have meaning by themselves but depend on our perspective, reality and system of beliefs. The same thing may have deep meaning for me but can be meaningless to you or it may have different meaning to one person at different times in her life depending on her experiences, motivations, beliefs and perspectives.

But how can we give more meaning to our lives? I’m sure we all asked ourselves this question at one point whether explicitly or otherwise.

Happiness and self-realization depend on how much our lives are enriched with meaning and purpose. A meaningless existence is certainly not a wholesome and happy one.

Unfolding the bigger picture

Very often meaning is equated with knowing our true purpose, our mission and goals in life. This is true at some level. By knowing and embracing our role in the big picture of life, we find a lot of what we experience as more meaningful.

Our purpose however is not always clear to us at all times because it is sometimes cluttered and hindered by negative emotions, misconceptions and wrong sorts of habits and beliefs.

Here are a few approaches that help us deepen and enrich our connections with ourselves and with others, align ourselves with our inner purpose and open our hearts for the joys of living a meaningful and happy life:

1. Pop the question

When things go against plan and unexpected or unwanted situations happen ask yourself these questions: “How can this relate to the purpose of my life?” “How can it help me?” or “How can I create harmony from it?”

By asking these questions we are pointing our awareness to that situation in a way that stimulates answers and solutions as to how it can align itself and be in harmony with the general momentum of our lives instead of letting it stall our motivation. In simple words, it is making a seemingly adverse and meaningless situation into a positive and helpful one, hence meaningful.

Very often, because our actions are not aligned to our purpose and intentions they become aimless, rudderless, unintentional and without power.

Effectively this strips away meaning from our interactions with the world because by being stuck in repetitive patterns of behavior we become like automata instead of consciously creating our lives with intention.

Living consciously and having our actions aligned to our intentions is what ultimately vests our lives with meaning. Hence, when faced by situations that appear meaningless or full of friction, ask yourself the questions above and this will help you consciously direct it to another angle that can bring forward those elements that are in harmony with your mission in life and discard those that are irrelevant or unhelpful.

It might not be the easiest thing at first but as most other things being aware of it and practicing it helps.

2. Get in touch with your Spiritual Side

The Spiritual dimension of the Self is very often neglected, doubted, trivialized and cynically debunked. Our present way of thinking is a historical by-product of a generally materialistic and reductionist era where mind, consciousness and spirit are reduced and flattened to some material process or mechanism.

This has disenchanted our world by rejecting our beliefs in the cosmic forces beyond our current observation and disconnected ourselves from the microcosm of our inner spiritual realities. But the truth is that we are more than we think we are.

We occasionally get glimpses and insights of our spiritual selves through life changing experiences, deep contemplation or brief moments of clarity but we then forget about it in our day-to-day life.

When we face our spiritual side with attention, courage and acceptance, the extra dimension of our spiritual awareness brings with it a totally new depth and meaning into our lives.

This doesn’t mean we have to turn into monks or ascetics. We just need to at least do something that gets us in touch with this dimension.

Walk in nature, meditate, pray, look at the stars in awe, contemplate, be inspired, practice Tai Chi, forgive and let go of your emotional attachments – are all things one can do to touch the spirit and expand consciousness beyond the seemingly flat world of appearances.

3. See objects as objects

We are deeply attached to things. In our worldview we see things and situations around us as concrete reference points of our reality. Our reality is constructed around the world of objects. They have meaning to us in varying degrees of depth but this meaning fluctuates over time according to our changing viewpoints on their value and importance.

What we think as an inseparable part of our reality today is only a flash of memory another day. Hence the meaning we attribute and attach to things is volatile, perishable and relative.

This often has the effect of making us lose perspective of the deeper meaning in life. By attaching ourselves to things we anchor our reality to them but since they are always changing their value we sometimes lose our bearing on what is really meaningful in life.

The bottom line is see things and objects as what they really are: things that come and go. Your path in life has a more permanent existence hence more meaning.

4. Say Hi to the Universal “I”

We all have a concept of the self, the “I”. Most of us identify the self with our thoughts which is separate from our environment.

Thoughts however can be fleeting, fragmented, distorted, aimless and self-destructive at times. By identifying ourselves with thought we fail to see the whole picture of ourselves. In reality the self goes beyond thought. It transcends thought. We get a hint of this in moments of clarity or mindfulness when we can perceive an undercurrent of still awareness – a glimpse of our true being outside of thought.

Also, the conception of self as separate from the universe around us forces us to view life with suspicion and judgment. When things go wrong something or someone is to blame. The universe seems to be conspiring against us.

Actually the opposite belief should be held that the universe is conspiring to help us because we are an integral part of it. We are an extended reality of the universal consciousness.

When we think that we have the power and the responsibility to change things because we are active participants in the expansion of life and the universe then we will perceive our life with greater meaning and purpose.

5. Love, love and love more

Love yourself, love others, love life. Love is the biggest creator of meaning in our lives. There can be no meaning in life without love. Love enriches our experiences and connections with the world by giving strong emotional significance to all our endeavors.

6. Play hard

Play with things and ideas – be enchanted by the world around you. Do something different each day. Create personal space for your creativity and play. This can have many forms – visual and performing arts, physical expression, childlike games, poetry, music, pottery, crafts, just observing nature, collect items which inspire meaning to you (pebbles, leaves, flowers, whatever), or just silly fun!

4 simple 2 minute daily practices that will change your life forever

Gilbert Ross — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 16:20:20 +0000

Photo by Down Town Pictures

What if you know that 8 minutes a day or even less can change your life drastically for the better? What if you know that in less time that you buy and drink a latte you can practice yourself into a life of better mental performance, more serenity & happiness and more control over your life?

I know it sounds like a cheesy sales page of some ‘get empowered and conquer the universe in 7 days’ self-help program. I myself am totally unimpressed and disapproving of certain ‘quick simple techniques’ to master this or achieve that. However it’s not ‘techniques’ I am talking about here but practices or ‘good habits’ as simple and short as brushing your teeth or clipping your toe nails. The difference is that they are not that brain-numbingly mundane and of course they are ‘life-changing practices’ as against mere ‘grooming practices’.

Can 2 minute long practices change a person’s life drastically? Well the short answer to that is definitely “Yes”. The longer answer is that these practices are accessible and user-friendly tools that routinely program the mind to develop new positive habits which then become engrained over a time period and before you know it a big inner change has happened!

The real fantastic thing about these practices is that you effectively invest little resources but yield high returns on that investment. Moreover:

They can be practiced everywhere at anytime
They don’t need to be done at the same time
They can be integrated in any busy schedule
They don’t need a learning curve
They are free and abundant

Energy Breathing:

Breathing is one of the most fundamental, yet taken for granted, functions in the Human body. We have heard the advice a thousand times “When you feel stressed breathe deeply and relax” yet we still overlook the importance of breathing.

In yogic traditions, breathing exercises (Pranayama) are central. The following is a simple breathing exercise which kick-starts me every time. It instantly feels me with energy like fire running through my body.

1^st minute: Sit down straight on a chair or whichever position you prefer (must have erect spine). Inhale deeply and slowly expanding & contracting the belly and not the chest. Exhale. Just that!

2^nd minute: This is an alternate nostril breathing exercise. Still sitting down, close your right nostril with your thumb (or second and middle finger) and inhale from your left nostril. Now close your left nostril and exhale out of your right nostril then continue to inhale from the right nostril again and close to exhale from the left. The alternate pattern should then follow an exhale/inhale from each nostril.

Selectively Positive:

Positive thinking is another widely mentioned phrase that we see appearing so many times in books and articles (quite rightly so…it’s a very good thing!). The problem with positive thinking is that it’s a bit intimidating just imagining making such a big shift in perspective from normal to positive thinking. We can’t really imagine ourselves being truly positive all the time can we? This makes it a little inaccessible.

By practicing to be positive on selected items only little by little instead of expecting your mind to be positive about everything can be a less overwhelming task while at the same time you can start seeing results immediately.

To do this in your 2 minute practice think about one thing which has some meaning to you. It may be a person, an object or an event. It may also be your job. Start focusing on its positive attributes. They could be hard to find or they could seem insignificant at first but it’s good just the same. Start filtering out the negative thoughts that arise and stop only on the positive ones no matter how silly they seem. Keep on putting focus on them. If you can’t find any positive attributes in that object, create and visualize those positive elements that you wish it had. Keep on doing this for the whole 2 minutes.

Hint: Emotions are a key. Use them as a guide and tracking system. Keep on focusing on the positive until you start feeling good about it. That’s how you know you are on the right track

Awareness of the present:

Awareness is fundamental. We live most of our daily lives unaware of our surroundings, our own inner states and the needs and feelings of those around us. We almost live on autopilot. Thoughts and feelings rush through our heads on their own. In a way this is so inefficient because most of the thoughts we think during a day or a lifetime are, I’m sorry to say, useless (apart from wasting time and energy). Our intentions are too much diluted and the times we have conscious awareness and control over our thoughts and reasoning is much less than we like to think.

Imagine if you could have a quieter, more focused mind where less useless thoughts come up and where you have more conscious awareness of those thoughts that are more effective, fruitful, life-changing and conducive to happiness. In short this is called Mindfulness.

As Eckhart Tolle put it: Past and future are an illusion. Everything happens in the now. This alludes at the fact that we spend a lot of time clinging to the past or anxious about the future. This makes us oblivious to the present. Conscious awareness is awaking to the present which is where all things take shape

The exercise involves doing something that puts your attention in the present moment. I like to use breathing, which is great because it can be combined with the breathing exercises. Two minutes saved!

While you are doing your breathing exercises put your awareness into it. That means that instead of wandering somewhere else with your thoughts, immerse yourself in the present experience. Pay attention to how the air feels in your lungs, how your belly expands and contracts and how the air flows through your nostrils.

When you get the gist of it, try expanding your awareness to your entire body like for example by taking note of how your hand feels, how your back feels on the chair or how you feel yourself to be extending in space.

Another good mindfulness exercise is eating. While snacking on some food don’t rush into just for filling your stomach and killing off your hunger pangs. Slow down and notice how the tastes and textures feel on your tongue and mouth. Discern between the different tastes and textures, smells and colours as much as possible. This will train the mind to be more aware of your senses and immediate present.

Gratitude: Open up yourself to the power:

Gratitude is such a powerful thought and emotion. It is a generator of good vibes and positive feelings which in return brings back more positive thoughts, feelings and life situations by a tenfold. When we are grateful for something in our lives, we set so many good things in motion.

On one level we are sending a positive and affirmative message to our brain that our lives are turning just the way we want them.

The brain always acts in the present. This means that even though our current life setting may be a little bit less than perfect, when we are grateful for something or someone we are saying to our brains “right now I feel happy, blessed and thankful for this or that”. The brain will act on it as though it is a confirmation of the present which in many ways it is.

This will turn into positive feedback because as we subconsciously become more positively responsive to our surroundings we start to unknowingly interpret life situations more positively which in turn starts making things easier, brighter and lighter and so on in a feedback loop.

On another more spiritual level, we are opening our hearts to ourselves, Life and the Universe.

When we are feeling bitter, depressed, angry or resentful we are like a blocked node in the network of life. When our heart is closed our vision is shortened and life can’t flow through us.

On the other hand when we feel grateful, life starts flowing through us again in gushes. We become a healthy node in the network of life. This is an immense power, do not overlook it.

Try to think of it in terms of connections and flow. Everything is interconnected in the Universe. Our Consciousness is specially connected to the Universe (actually it is an extension of it – it is a way the Universe can be conscious of itself!).

Now the more connections we create in the network, such as meaningful relationships with others through love and compassion, being grateful to life and feeling good, making others feel good and passing on the good vibes to others, the more we are strengthening the network and we become powerful nodes through which the Universe can flow its energies. Life will flow through us and we start seeing our own destiny manifesting before our own eyes. So-called ‘miracles’ start to happen.

This may be a bit hard to understand but it’s a powerful truth to realize. It’s a game of connections. The more open and connected you are to the ‘network’ the more you are contributing to the expansion of life and the Universe and the more power and energy will flow through you.

If you are blocked and not linked then very little energy can flow through you.

The Exercise:

Everyday spend 2 minutes to be grateful about the things happening around you. Everyone has things to be grateful about. We are just blind to them sometimes. If you look around you or just look a bit deeper, you will start finding hundreds of things to be grateful about. It doesn’t need to be something big.

It might be the beautiful morning, or that you didn’t go late for work despite the awful weather, or that some problem was solved during the day or that some friend phoned to tell you that his health has turned for the better.

These are all very pertinent things to be grateful for. Sometimes we overlook them because of our hectic lifestyle. Instead of letting them pass by, stop and be grateful for them in your heart.

Open up your possibilities

When these 4 simple 2 minute exercises are practiced everyday and they start turning into a habit, a lot of things start taking new shape in your life. Positivity, conscious awareness, happiness and appreciation will start flowering more and more as you practice everyday.

Your life will open up to new possibilities. It’s hard to conceive it from now that all this is possible through such simple and short practises. Just give it a try and you’ll see!

The Power of Gratitude (and why it always works wonders)

Gilbert Ross — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 19:20:11 +0000

Have you ever been grateful about something small or big that happened unexpectedly but has made a difference to your day, your mood or your life in general?

Go back to it with your mind and remember how it feels. How would you define it? For me it’s a warm comforting feeling of love, reward, appreciation and happiness. You know those moments in our lives where we count our blessings and feel happy to be in the knowledge that life has been kind and good to us no matter how small or large that blessing was.

Just the awareness and recognition of it confers a moment of serenity and pleasure that brightens up our day and enlivens our souls. It is like a brief opening in our hearts where for a moment we stop and peep outside of ourselves and realize that life is abundantly blissful and generous but we often obscure this fact with our everyday hectic routines, by giving more attention to negative thoughts and by being too sucked by our needs and wanting.

The Deeper side of Gratitude

Gratitude and appreciation are very often encapsulated by formal words such as “Thanks” or “I appreciate”. This is a way of showing our gratitude in words. Very often, however, this happens more out of politeness and social convention rather than by being emotionally convinced. I am not saying it’s a bad thing because after all good protocol is also needed where possible.

Yet the gratitude I would like to talk about is different. Being thankful to someone or something has different grades of personal meaning. On one hand it may come out of social etiquette and good manners as just mentioned or else it could have a much more authentic meaning attached to it. For example being thankful to someone who just assisted us over the phone will have a different meaning that when some loved one has gone out of the way to make ends meet for us or when life has turned in a favorable way such as the disappearance of a long suffered illness.

This authentic meaning is what really drives our hearts to be truly in a state of harmony with ourselves and the world around us even if for a brief moment and even if for a small cause. It doesn’t really matter. No matter how brief and how small that feeling of gratitude is there is always a powerful burst of positive vibes going back into ourselves and our lives although we often fail to realize this. Most importantly we fail to realize the benefits and the power gratitude can bring to our lives.

If I had to list a number of important life-changing practices, gratitude would be on the top of the list. Why? Because it is so simple yet so powerful.

Being Aware of the little Miracles

I have been doing this thing lately. Being grateful to the little everyday things (and of course the big ones) that come my way no matter how insignificant they would have been on any normal day in my past. Of course there is one step that comes before gratefulness and that is awareness. You have to be aware of those little things before being grateful for them. You must turn your attention to them.

Awareness is such a key to everything I am coming to realize lately but that’s beside the point here…I have to keep it in for another article

So it all starts from putting our attention onto the little everyday miracles. This thing is immensely liberating, life-changing and therapeutic in itself by the way since it expands our awareness and makes us more mindful of our being and surroundings. Secondly it drives you in the habit of noticing positive occurrences rather than just fixate on the negative ones.

When we are aware and recognize the little gifts that come our way, our next step is to stop and be grateful for them. Yes but be grateful to who or what? you might ask. Personally, I am grateful to the Universe. You might be grateful to God, life, fate, your guardian angel or whatever else suits your criteria. In the end it doesn’t make any difference because this is not an act of formality or politeness remember? It’s not a formality but a positive practice.

Gratitude Shapes your Destiny and connects you to the Divine

So what are the benefits of being grateful?

As a start you have an instant rush of positivity and good feeling. That already sounds great to me! Instant good vibes straight from the tap without having to work so hard for them! Imagine you are in a downbeat mood or worried about something then you stop and look around you or ponder for a minute on what you have achieved, on your health, on your loved ones or yes, even on your material possessions if you like and be grateful for them in your heart. If you do this in a meaningful way your mood will immediately lighten up and you will feel good.

Secondly, doing it regularly will install a habit of thought. It’s like reprogramming your mind to be more receptive to positive things and respond equally positively. Now this is the thing. Thoughts have the power to change things. They can change our lives, our moods, our happiness, etc and that’s a fact (and not a small one if I may add).

Some, like myself, even believe that thoughts…well consciousness to be exact…can change and shape the events around you. So by practicing gratefulness you are forming the habit to direct your conscious attention to the positive things in life and as a response your thoughts start turning increasingly more positive and once your thoughts become increasingly more positive than so will your life. It’s like a big positive feedback cycle which keeps on feeding on itself as it grows larger and larger.

Thirdly, gratitude brings us closer to what I like to call ‘the divinity in ourselves’. It is that underlying sense of peace like an undercurrent of unchanging tranquility that rests beneath our more hectic and frenetic mode of thinking. If we manage to stay still for a minute or two and get into what some call ‘the gap between our thoughts’ (as in mindfulness meditation) then one can access a place of deep calm where anxious or worrying thoughts subside and one is left with nothing but his bare being which is less attached to thought and more connected to the source (or God or the Oneness of the Universe) .

Gratitude, Success & Happiness

Try it out for yourselves. It doesn’t take much effort or time anyway. It’s easy and what’s more it’s always available at all times. You can apply it immediately on the little things. You might be on your way home from work when you miss your bus or the car breaks down and someone you know stops by and gives you a ride or helps you with the car breakdown. It might be a little problem which was solved on its own or some happy news which came unexpectedly. Perhaps a happy day out with your family or just even something seemingly minuscule like finding a parking spot in a busy street.

Gratitude is an important key to success and happiness which is often clothed in simple and humble attire. We very often overlook its power and importance. I think of gratitude as being a simple and quick yet effective method which works wonders every time. Try it!

…and Yes…Thank you for appreciating the articles, for supporting this blog and for sharing your comments! Thank You!

A Note on Happiness

Gilbert Ross — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 13:08:39 +0000

“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence” Aristotle

Photo by Hadrien

Every living being in this world seeks happiness whether s/he is aware of it or not. It is the meaning and purpose of life as Aristotle had noted.

“Isn’t it obvious?” I hear you say. Yet is it really that obvious I dare ask again?

If it were that obvious why aren’t billion of dollars being spent in researching the ‘Science of Happiness’? Why aren’t political systems based on the pursuit, achievement and safeguarding of Happiness? Why aren’t there too many religions that instead of attaching themselves to Dogma and authority reorient their beliefs on the basic Human need of Happiness? Why isn’t Happiness a shared point of reference between political, ideological and International transactions?

Something is not that obviously straight forward to me.

A New Earth & Eckhart Tolle

The answers came from a book that I have read during the last year or so and which has profoundly influenced my perspective on life. The book is Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth. Written by a real contemporary Spiritual Master, the book touches on many insightful and profound truths that seem to unknowingly spark off something inside the reader. There is that “A Ha! So that’s what it is!” kind of feeling in everyone who I know has read the book, including myself.

One of these insights is the fact that the human mind is by default dysfunctional since it is caught by the grips of the ego consciousness. The ego consciousness is that little Mr. Hyde in us that sabotages our every attempt to break free from our old patterns of behavior or self-destructive habits such as negative thinking, limiting and self-defeating thoughts, anger, greed & the incessant desire for having more than others and being better than others.

The Ego & its subconscious machinery

The ego-consciousness makes us self-absorbed and self-centered. It makes us blind and shortsighted. It makes us feel special and cut off from the rest.

There is always that ‘I and others’ or ‘’us and them’ kind of standpoint which breeds other negative repercussions such as prejudice, labeling, intolerance, hatred, etc. The ego consciousness is also a trickster. It comes up with apparently rational arguments in our ‘self-talking’ such as to justify our dysfunctional beliefs and subconscious irrational fears.

The Collective Ego

On a social level, the ego has its collective presence too. The world news is such a testimony to that. Everyday we hear about mass attacks on human lives from religious extremists with fundamentalist beliefs, violence spurred by racial or ethnic hatred and intolerance, political standoffs between countries due to a clash of ideologies and cultures.

This is the collective ego at work that makes us perceive the world through a self-centered orientation, making us narrow minded and blind to the needs and rights of others. We attach ourselves blindly to the shallowness of our own self-created and self-perpetuated system of beliefs & values in such a way that change and acceptance become the worst enemies for the ego because they threaten to uncover its covert trickery and end its reign.

The Transcendental Self

On the other end of Human nature there is what is often referred to as the Transcendental self. This is the nemesis of the ego. It is the part of us which transcends beyond the limited and self-centered vision of the ego and gains insights into the real nature of things without being obscured by the delusions of mind. It is free from attachment to thought.

The Transcendental self is not rooted in the conditioning of past habits or future worries but is rooted in the now, in the only moment which is ever real because everything happens in the now. Tying oneself to the past or future will only bring stress and anxiety while it forces us to live our lives on autopilot (which is the opposite of being awake).

The Transcendental self is not self-absorbed. Its vision is wider and feels and accepts that s/he is part of the universal being. S/he understands that all life is interconnected at some level and that all our actions have consequences which incur other consequences in an interdependent Universe of cause and effect.

A person who has transcended beyond his limiting ego-centric view on life is a person who is self-actualizing, takes his destiny in his own hands and co-creates his life rather than just reacting to it with worry, anger, guilt or attachment.

The Reactive vs. The Creative self

Two people can behave quite differently in a same situation. Imagine a situation whereby a man, Mr.A is driving along his way when some other guy thoughtlessly but abusively drives in the main road from a side street and almost makes Mr.A loose control of his car and send him into a possible life-threatening accident.

Mr.A, after getting out of his shock, hoots the horn at the other guy which promptly and cheekily replies with his middle finger. Mr.A gets wrathful to the point of foam in his mouth and steam coming out from his ears. He chases him, swears at him, hoots at him, swerves on him, calls him names, and after a long ride completely off route where he was going, finally decides to call off the chase.

But that’s not the end of it. On the remainder of his trip Mr.A drives with thoughts of revenge, anger, frustration, disbelief and then spends the rest of the day having a mental picture of the guy with all the things he could have said or done to him. Not to mention, the physiological stress and harm, Mr.A wasted his day by running a very vivid and negative documentary in his head.

Now imagine the same situation happening to Mr.B. Car comes out, Mr.B tries to avoid him, takes in a deep breath, makes sure he has full control of the car and himself, slows down then drives off just to forget about it as soon as he turns on the first corner.

Mr.A and Mr.B were victims of the same circumstances but while Mr.A held himself hostage of his own ego, Mr.B was free and made a choice not to hassle himself with the emotion arousing thoughts for the rest of his day.

The Unhappy Ego

The ego-driven self is locked into a powerless state of dysfunction and is very limited in finding happiness. It always wants the next best thing hence eternally dissatisfied with what it has. There is no appreciation of the present moment.

The ego loves a reaction as shown in the case of Mr.A. It feeds on it like a vampire feeds on blood. It is reactive rather than creative, hence its shallowness and shortsightedness.

It reacts as soon as it sees someone else being better than itself or to someone who said or did something that arouses a negative emotion. It will attempt its very best to react to the other person’s actions by trying to win over an argument with intellectual prowess, bitch back, pass on demeaning and insulting remarks, do or say something to show his/her superiority at something and so on down a very long list of silly and futile things the human mind can come up with. Worst thing is that we are not conscious that all this ever happening to us.

The Science of Happiness

Recent studies and Research in Cognitive Psychology and Positive Psychology are time after time discovering and verifying the age-old insights in mind, consciousness and happiness as outlined in brief above. Most of this ancient knowledge derives from Buddhist teachings but now is finding its way further into mainstream western thought and Science. I agree with his Holiness the Dalai Lama when he once was quoted in saying that Buddhism is after all a Science of Mind.

By slowly embracing a relatively more Holistic approach to Science, modern Cognitive Psychology is starting to recognize, through scientific tests, the validity of this ancient wisdom. (If you’re interested in this I recommend checking out the works of Jon Kabat-Zinn here)

Amongst some of the interesting findings, which throw light on the intersection between the old and modern understanding of the mind and happiness there is:

Meditation has been shown to have many beneficial effects to mental health in general such as significantly reducing stress & anxiety, heart problem risks and depression. It also promotes general happiness and well being

Attaching oneself to material objects, ideas or a narrow framework of thought causes a kind of black or white mode of seeing reality. Often this brings a loss of perspective and eventually anxiety or depression. The opposite is equally true. People who tend to see things in perspective without blowing up negative happenings tend to be more relaxed & happy.

People who isolate themselves, are hostile to others or feel cut off and different from the rest have bigger chances of feeling jaded and unhappy. On the other hand, people who receive or give emotional support have a higher chance of being happy.

Those people who introspect too much on negative things, are self-absorbed and self-centered have more chances of being depressed. Patients suffering chronic depression tend to use the ‘I’, ‘Me’ & ‘Mine’ a lot. Happy people tend to see life and goodness in others.

Happy people also tend to be people who are not fatalists or who think in a disempowering way. Very often they recognize that they have the power (and the responsibility ) to make a positive change in their life.

Going back to the questions I put in the beginning, it is starting to become more and more clear to me how happiness is the realization and moving away from a rather ego-driven consciousness to a more transcendental one. The only problem is that this is not at all obvious and no one of us is born with a operating manual to mind and happiness.

5 Steps to Boost Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem

Gilbert Ross — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 16:46:18 +0000

Confidence and self-esteem are not only personality plus points that influence our wellbeing and the way we interact with others but are two of the main ingredients for personal success.

I was once hearing a speech given by his holiness the Dalai Lama in an audio book entitled “A Path to Happiness”, where he confessed how he was dumbfounded to learn, in his first encounters with the west, that there are people who disapprove of themselves or are unhappy with themselves even to the point of self-hatred. He mentioned how up to that point in time self-hatred was something he had never heard of. There is no conceptual equivalence of self-hatred in Tibetan culture and language. So for him it was not only a foreign and alien concept but completely absent in his stock of experiences.

I remember that this had struck me as a very peculiar notion. It begged the question of how is it that we come to a point of not liking ourselves or become uncomfortable with ourselves. Surely this is not a natural thing to happen. There is no evolutionary purpose for it.

So why do we sometimes feel this way about ourselves? Ok, perhaps self-hatred is an extreme example and as far as I know, or rather I hope, it’s not that common. However it comes in a myriad of forms as it goes down in scale. Lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem are examples which in this case happen to be considerably common among us.

Lack of Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem:

We all had those moments when we feel sheepish and insecure about our own image, actions or speech or by having that constant self-critic reminding us how we might not be looking the part.

“This dress doesn’t fit my overweight body…tonight’s party is going to be an utter disaster!”, “who knows what they will be thinking about me?”, “I might be making a fool of myself if I say this or that”, “My boss is looking unimpressed…am I saying the right words?”, “Will I ever make it to my graduation?” and so on and on. The mind keeps on lurking on unassertive and self-defeating thoughts that shake our own confidence up to a point of renouncing or cutting back from fully and actively engaging in life or in the things we want to endeavor.

Perhaps the Dalai Lama’s remark has a lot of truth in it. I am also of the idea that in the west, lack of confidence and self-esteem is more pronounced than other non-western cultures. Probably this has to do with the fact that we base a lot of our own self-image on what the media and pop culture feeds us. In other words we benchmark ourselves with the icons and role-models the media and our peer network ‘impose’ on us and hence we bitterly feel that we are very often not living up to those expectations. This continues to place on us a falsely perceived state of under-achievement, failure and dissatisfaction with our projected image. Lack of self-confidence and self-esteem are an effect of this.

Seeking Attention & Approval from Others:

Another problem which I think runs deeper than the above is the fact that as humans we constantly seek attention and approval from others. The need for attention and approval is a very strong motivational force deeply rooted in our behavioral makeup.

Since we are infants (especially when we are infants) we constantly look for our parents or care taker’s attention, loving-care and warmth. Also, their approval or disapproval helps us build boundaries and guidelines on what is and what is not accepted or tolerated in the social environment we live in.

We subconsciously learn this skill from a very tender age and use it throughout our development and adulthood. At school, pupils are extremely influenced by whether or not they are given attention by their tutors and peers. Teenagers are the quintessential example of attention-grabbers as they constantly try to make a statement through rebellious and deviant behavior, nonconformist looks, outbursts of home-made drama and on the other extreme by being totally compliant and trying to please their teachers and people in the authoritative rung above them.

Most of us adults are not free from the shackles of attention-seeking behavior either. There is a Sufi scholar, whose name escapes me at the moment, who pointed out that most, if not all, of our social interactions are heavily driven by attention-seeking and approval-seeking behavior even those which may not seem like it such as business meetings or negotiating.

In a few words, attention-seeking and approval-seeking seem to dictate a lot of what we say and do in all areas of our lives and throughout its different stages. More than that it also influences how we perceive ourselves, our self-image, which is what some refer to as our blueprint for outward action.

The Identity Profile of a False Self-Image

It seems then that the common denominator for the lack of self-confidence or low self-esteem episodes lies in the building or measuring our self-image on outward cues (role model behavior through social media or approval from others) rather than inward perceptions. Some features to note about this type of false self-image are that it’s:

Inauthentic: Since it’s not naturally born from within us but ‘suggested’ to us externally through social media and our peers.
Decentralized: It’s not coming from one source but from different signs we pick up around us (from other people’s remarks about you; from your friend’s behavior, from your colleagues’ way of relating to you; etc)
Impermanent: It changes constantly, it’s never fixed. As the world changes around us, so does our self-image
Contradictory: It is often contradictory since sometimes the same thing (the image we have of ourselves) appears to change under a different light.
Counter-intuitive: It goes against what we really, really think and feel about ourselves deep inside. This can lead to inner conflict with our purpose in life.

How to build self-confidence:

So how do we find and cultivate true self-confidence? …and the natural question that comes prior to that is: Can we program ourselves to be self-confident if it feels that we ‘naturally’ aren’t?

The answer to the latter question is a definite and big YES. The answer to the former can be listed in a few anecdotes below:

Realization: One of the most powerful techniques to boost self-confidence is the realization that we are not products of our past experiences or of other people’s way of seeing us. This means that if in the past I have failed to pursue a certain task, or I was embarrassed about something I did, it doesn’t mean that that thing will happen to me again. I am not determined by past events but I have the power to change my future. Also if some people see me or think of me in a certain way, then that does not mean that it really reflects who I am. We don’t need to take that information in. We can choose not to pick up that information, filter it out or not let it affect us. If someone passes on a depreciating remark on us we can either take it all in and let it haunt our heads for the rest of the day (with negative repercussions on our self-confidence) or we can choose to ignore it as a wrong assessment of ourselves.
Moderation: You know, just as much as a discussion group or a forum needs a moderator to keep the discussion in balance without any one thread of discussion going to far off in one direction, so do we need to be moderators with our own discussions going on in our heads. We all have that inner-critic which most of the time keeps us in check from not doing something crazy or stupid that we might regret afterwards. That’s fine. However the inner-critic also very often gives us disempowering and self-defeating thoughts that undermine our self-confidence. Like for example “Oh no, you’re not good at this…don’t try it or you’ll make a fool of yourself.” So try to moderate and challenge your inner-critic in a good way. Try to catch that limiting thought as it arises in your head and challenge it by asking: “How true is this thought I am having right now? Is it just an irrational fear trying to scare me off?”
Equalization: Up to not so long time ago, I had the wrong habit of accentuating worrying thoughts more than I should have and not adequately cherishing the positive good things that come along the way. This lack of equalization is a very natural fault to fall into because we are more influenced by warning signs than by counting blessings. With some effort and shift in perspective, we can start seeing things under a more positive and encouraging light. Now I make it a point to stop and absorb those little good things in life more. It’s simple. I just put my attention to them for a minute or two every time. On the other hand, I try to discount the not so good episodes by investing less time thinking about them and more time in trying to sort them out. This is what I call the principle of equalization.
Visualization: The more I learn and practice it, the more I realize on the tremendous power of visualization. When you visualize or imagine something happening, it is like running a movie in your head. You know, when we are watching a movie, we all know that what’s on the screen is not for real but it still captures us in a way that we feel part of it or living it at that moment (we bite our nails and tense up in those moments of suspense, laugh or cry in the dramatic ones, etc). So although we know it’s not happening, there is another part of our mind which acts on it as though it is. So if you visualize yourself achieving a desired goal or a desired outcome every day, you are running that movie in your head and your mind is picking up the instruction to act on it. Your mind is then set on it. This is also part of what some people refer to as the law of attraction.
Authentication: There is a straight line of divide between pursuing your own dreams or benchmarking with those of others. As mentioned in the beginning of this article, the main reason for our false self-image arises out of constantly comparing ourselves with the ‘ideal’ looks, bodyweight and shape, achievements, goals, etc that are being fed to us by the media. This skews and distorts our self-image. What we need is to spend some time to validate, or rather authenticate how we think or feel about ourselves. There is no need to over-analyze ourselves. However, it would be extremely insightful to sometimes question ourselves whether the way we feel about ourselves is genuinely based on true & verifiable facts or just on fleeting hints and cues that we pick up from around us or from others.

The building up of self-confidence therefore seems to be tied to re-orienting the way look at ourselves from outward to inward. Going back once more to the Dalai Lama’s remark, this seems to resonate with one fundamental difference in orientation between Western and Eastern cultures. Western cultures are more outwardly oriented, what Carl Jung would have called the collective extrovert type, while Eastern cultures are guided by philosophies that thread more upon the inward path.

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