Love does not come to you and strike you inadvertently (although that is how we interpret it on certain occasions). It doesn’t come down like a thunderbolt and stun your heart. Love comes to you because you have prepared the right conditions for it to grow. You attract love into your life because you have placed the right signs to show it the way in. This may all sound wishy-washy talk to you but the logic of it has strong roots in studies on the human mind and condition.
In this article I will discuss and put forward some simple but not commonly known potions to attract Love into your life.
Love as a fundamental Human need
When we think about Love we usually make our first association with romantic love. This is indeed one member of the same Kind, but Love in its entirety is much broader than that. We give and receive Love from and to our Children, our elders, our parents, our friends and loved ones and even from people who are strangers to us but share with us the very common fact of being Human.
Whichever way you see it, Love is the most fundamental Human need. It nourishes us, inspires us, motivates us, heals us, protects us, make us better people, better parents, better spouses, better Humans.
It’s easy to be cynical about it and turn a cold shoulder from it, but its absence can make us grow weary, unhappy, lost and confused even if we don’t know that this is coming from its absence in our lives and perhaps we instead attribute our suffering to many other reasons we can think of: “Oh, I’m so unlucky!”, “I’m running through a bad streak”, “People are selfish and unkind”, “It must be that I’m growing old or overweight”. It must be this or must be that…you see my point?
Some people say that Love makes the world go round. I’d say Loving-kindness and affection makes the world go round happier and healthier. That’s a given.
Make way for Love
But how do we get Love into our Life if it’s not there? (Or we think it’s not there because we can’t see it since our hearts are closed)
Here are a few things to make way for love and cultivate loving-kindness:
- Tune-in to your heart’s calling: Be willing to listen to your heart. Take some time to stop from the frenetic rush of everyday life and sit for a while in quiet privacy to get to understand what’s going on. Make this an intimate special moment to spend with yourself. Get to know the underlying issues, the emotional blocks, and most importantly what are your real goals and true heart’s desires.
- Be Compassionate: The people who are really blessed with loving-kindness, happiness and compassion have a common understanding. This understanding is that we are all interconnected with each other, with life and the universe. When one has courage to see and do things beyond his own limited self-centred perspective this understanding becomes clear. Things become easier and one struggles less. It’s a simple equation – benefit others to benefit yourself. The one-liner advice here is “See yourself in others”.
- Be an inverse paranoid: Some people seem to have a default setting in their system which says that if a person is new to you, perhaps some stranger you meet in the street, then treat him/her with caution and suspicion before you get to know him and put him in your ‘trusted people list’. I was like that myself. The problem with this is that it often puts our defence wall higher and by not giving the bona fide chance to anyone we promote hostility, commonly followed by prejudice and labelling. This is like a blocked node in the network through which Love can’t flow through. Giving the benefit of the doubt to everyone by default makes sure to counteract this.
- Smile more, talk more, share more: You may not mean it all the time but things need to be kick-started sometimes with good intention…so putting a smile on someone else’s face by your own smiling is a warm thing to do. It’s such a good protocol – it facilitates human connections. Also, opening up to talking and sharing more with others both your experiences and your belongings accelerates even more those human connections.
- Love is in the air (breath): Feeling stressed & worked up? Have a few deep breaths and calm down. Being in a calm frame of mind not only makes you think clearly but makes you feel and be open to others more. This creates an aura of peace around you that makes you more accessible to Love. So be sure to breathe deeply and calm down in those nerve-wrecking moments.
- Trust more: Give peace a chance. We often find ourselves with people who for some reason or another we dislike or don’t feel any affinity to. By trying not to find fault in them or by trying not to dwell too long in our minds on those things we don’t like in them, we are training our hearts to be more free and resilient. It’s one of the best power-training for the heart.
- Sweet words, soft heart: Tell him/her nice encouraging words. People need it. It’s simple thing which gives a lot back in return. It has a high return on investment in any relationship.
- Say good morning to Love: Take a minute to give it a thought before the day begins. Imagine that something good and affectionate will make it’s way to you because you are calling it in. Well, the chances are it will.
- Give Children super unlimited unconditional Love: If everyone in the world did just that it would mean that future generations will grow-up to be mentally and emotionally healthy human beings and the world would be a much, much, much better place. Think about it…this is the greatest responsibility any individual or collective of individuals can be in charge of and accomplish.
- Don’t be shy to expect it but don’t take it for granted: No need to add more on this. I think it’s self-explanatory.
The Medicine of Love
Loving-kindness and compassion are not only beneficial to those loved ones around you. They are also beneficial to you in equal volumes.
Why? Well, for starters, if you had to at least do most of the points above a little bit everyday you would live healthier and live longer. Yes, I meant it…live healthier and longer. A lot of recent study in mental health and therapy is showing how people who either receive or give emotional support, who don’t show signs of hostility or who have a loving-kindness approach to life and others, are much less prone to sickness and diseases such as heart problems and cancer to mention a few. Also, those who do get ill, show better rates of recovery and less trauma and pain in their illness than those who are emotionally isolated and hostile towards others.
This is so because when we are feeling lonely, destitute and unwanted (mainly because we are not receiving loving-kindness and emotional support adequately) our mind is set to see the world through a negative lens. In Psychology , this is called the attributional style of an individual. We tend to perceive and accentuate hostility more than usual, as we interpret the world within a more negative framework.
We become even less connected to others since our immediate and automatic reaction will tend to be more of distrust and caution towards others. We close ourselves to others. We might feel cheated, treated unjustly or unkindly when other’s attention is lacking. But the thing is that the more we do that the more people will naturally see us in a different light and perhaps relate less to us.
This feeds back to us as we interpret it as corroborating our negative outlook on life. In turn, this weakens us and consumes a lot of our energies and zeal for life. Consequently it will make us less able to be in a position to overcome whatever life throws at us.
The opposite is equally true. When we are nourished with loving-kindness and emotional support, we become stronger and more prepared to face the adversities in life…even illness and loss.
And oh yes, did I mention that opening your heart to love is a straight road to happiness? Can’t play that one down can’t you?